dear Lord

If there is one word to describe me recently, it would be restless. I've not been able to do any one thing long enough before my legs/hands/eyes/mind starts wandering. Let's not even start to talk about my attention span in class. :)

It seems to me, most of my time, when I'm not particularly concentrating on something, is spent wishing/hoping/dreaming of something else other than the now. There always seem to be something more that I want to do, something else I want to do differently, somewhere else I want to be. Most of my life really, feels like a series of either reminiscing about the past, or dreaming of the future. I sometimes wonder how much of me is really in the present.

I was running (or rather walking ;)) ROCK's Amazing Race last Saturday. My funny teammates and I were distracted by many things along the way ie. restaurants and MORE restaurants. We were jokingly reminding each other to keep our eyes on the race, and focus on finishing the race instead of giving in to the temptations of fried chicken/pizza.

These verses have been in my mind ever since.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected, but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

I do not count myself to have apprehended, but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.

I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 3: 12-14)

Many recent events God has put in place, to gently nudge me back to the present world. Dreaming of being somewhere else, doing something else, in somebody else's shoe is robbing every precious moment and opportunity I have right now, right where I am. God has something special in store for me in the present.

I'm barely halfway there in life, but already all the desires/temptations/distractions seem so overwhelming, and sometimes leaving me really confused. I find comfort in the midst of all that spinning, in that small still voice, that reminds me my very existence comes from Love itself. And my purpose is beyond any great plans and ideas my meager brain can concoct for me.

Right now, and as I keep running this race called life, I'm making a conscious effort to remind myself that my identity is not found in my qualifications, not in the number of friends I have at different phases of my life, not in the need for someone special, nor it's in what was in the past, or what is in the future. It's not in what the world places value in. But that my identity is in Christ alone.

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

(Philippians 1: 6)

Teach me Lord, to be Still.

Take me deeper in Love with You.

love,

me